Take A Chance On Me
by RollinqInTheDeep
Summary: During Ste's stag night, Brendan Brady reveals the full truth about his feelings for the deli owner. But will Ste go through with the wedding or will Brendan get the thing he wants most in the world?


Brendan didn't do love. He never had done. It had always been a foriegn language to him, something he didn't want or didn't particularly care for. He loved his sister Cheryl but he had to didn't he? He wasn't that much of a fuck up that he couldn't love the only person who stood by him through thick and thin. Brendan had done some terrible things in his life, and he wasn't sure if he would be able to stop doing these terrible things. They came naturally to Brendan. An outsider would see these things as the worst thing they have ever witnessed, but to Brendan it was an everyday act. A necessity. A vital thing to do in order to survive. His sister had witnessed perhaps his most brutal act to date- cutting up the body of Joel's father. He had _never_ wanted his sister to find that out. His sister was scared, furious and _in shock _and Brendan couldn't blame her. She wanted out of his life, and again Brendan could only think 'Well I deserve it, don't i?'. He was a terrible person- he knew that, Cheryl knew that. Fuck, _everyone_ in Hollyoaks knew that. And he couldn't give a shit what they thought. They nothing to him. Did he care that fucking Nancy Hayton saw him as a bad person? No. Did he really give a fuck about the opinon of Myra McQueen? And what right did she have to judge him? Brendan had witnessed her and she wasn't a nice person either. But she could be forgiven because 'she was just providing for her kids'. Fuck that bollocks. Brendan had kids. He loved them, really he did. He hated the fact that they had _him_ as a father though. They deserved a father who would always be there for him. Not some murdering, drug-dealing, homosexual former prisoner. They deserved better then Brendan Brady. Everyone did. They all deserved better. But he was here. And Brendan knew what he wanted. There was only person that Brendan Brady wanted in his life. And that man was about to make the biggest mistake of his life. That man was about to marry someone that wasn't Brendan Brady. That man was about to marry someone he didn't love. Brendan Brady loved Ste Hay.

And Ste Hay loved Brendan Brady.

He knew it. He didn't realise at first. He thought that Steven had completely forgot about him. Moved on to pasture's new. He was marrying Doug fucking Carter for God's sake. Cheryl was more of a man then him! What could Doug give him that Brendan couldn't? Brendan seriously wondered if Doug was capable of having sex without crying after. The man _always_ cried. Brendan had never seen anyone cry as much as Doug did. Some would that sensitively is a good trait. And Brendan would agree. But Doug takes the biscuit and fucking swallows it whole with his crying. Brendan had money. Lots of it. Blood money. Dangerous money. Money he didn't deserve but money all the same. Ste could have what he wanted, when he wanted and how he wanted. Brendan had sex. Know he _knew_ that no-one could make Steven come as hard and loud as Brendan did. He _knew_ that no-one could fuck Brendan with as much passion and love as he could. He knew that Steven missed him, missed his body. He knew that Steven loved him.

Because of THAT look. That look of pure adoration that Brendan knew he didn't deserve. But he would fucking it. Because nothing would make Brendan Brady happier then having Steven Hay on his arms. And he hated the fact that a man would get hurt in the process. And Doug Carter at that. If only because Christ, Doug would be crying for _months_ after. But Brendan didn't get want to get ahead of his self. He couldn't. He wouldn't allow himself too. Because Steven Hay planned to marry Doug Carter and maybe Brendan couldn't stop that.

It would break his heart. It would shatter it into a million pieces and Brendan wouldn't be sure _anyone _would be able to put it together again. But he had to do this. He had to tell Steven what he was feeling. He had to tell Steven that he loved him.

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And Brendan couldn't have picked a much worse time at Ste's stag night. He hadn't honestly planned to do it here of all places but he saw Steven drinking a beer and realized that in 2 weeks Steven would be making an honest woman of Doug Carter and that shit just didn't roll with him. He couldn't allow Steven to do this to himself, he couldn't allow his one true love to marry someone he didn't love. Basically, he couldn't allow Steven to marry a man that wasn't him.

Brendan had been invited. Of course he'd been invited. Steven thought he was being kind inviting him. But it only made the suffering worse. He couldn't actually attend and see Steven getting excited about marrying a man who was incapable of even being a drug handler. So when he turned up and ordered a drink, no-one really batted an eyelid. Doug wasn't here, he was out on the town with his 'girls'. Brendan loved the irony in that! He ordered a pint of Guinness and sat next to Ste whose conversation with Dodger and Rhys died down.

"We need to talk" Brendan said softly before taking a sip of his drink

Ste looked at him. His eyes were wide. "Sure" he said. He nodded at Dodger and Rhys who got the hint and moved on to talk to other people at the party.

"Not here" Brendan replied aware that all eyes were on him "We can't have this talk here".

Ste was curious now. Really curious. Brendan was acting strangely. But he went with it. Tonight was a happy night and he would hear what Brendan would say, then he would come back and get smashed before waking up next to Doug. 2 weeks! Ste was getting married in 2 weeks! "Where then?" Ste asked, fiddling with own drink.

Brendan knew what he was drinking. Double Vodka & Coke. He always drank that, and he always got pissed after about 3. Brendan loved drunk!Ste, he was even more feisty then usual but more honest with it and he was _so sexual__**. **_Drink bought out Ste's kinky side. One of the best nights of his life was Ste riding him on the night bus. How they even got on a night bus was questionable, Brendan was pissed as well. But they were and they did and it was _fantastic__**.**_

"Mine" Brendan simply said. He downed his drink, completely emptying out his glass and walked out. Ste relucantly followed him, still curious as to what Brendan wanted to talk about. They walked the short distance to Brendan's flat that he shared with Cheryl. She was away at the moment visiting _his father_ in Dublin. The thought of _his father _made his skin crawl and face flush with embarrassment, dread and nausea.

They arrived and Brendan shut the door behind him.

"Do you want a drink?" Brendan asked as they walked into the living area

"No" Ste simply replied and Brendan sighed.

"I think you will need a drink" Brendan stated. He walked over to the cabinet and pulled out 2 glasses before pouring out 2 glasses of vodka. Straight. He passed the glass to Steven who fiddled with it nervously, not glancing at Brendan who had downed the straight vodka. It made him wince but he poured out another glass. "You can't marry Doug" Brendan blurted out. _Shit_ the vodka must have got to his head already.

"What?" Steven asked incrediously "What are you talking about?"

"You can't marry Doug" Brendan repeated "You just can't".

"And why can't I marry Doug?" Steven asked, looking at Brendan as if he was the most confusing person on the planet. Brendan would give him that one. "What right do you have to tell me that I can't marry Doug!?"

Brendan sighed and downed another glass of the vodka. "You can't marry Doug because I don't want you too". He paused, taking it Steven's look of confusion "I don't want you to marry Doug because.. ". Fuck this was harder then he thought. He took another sip of his drink and looked straight into Steven's beautiful eyes. "I love you Steven... I love you so much and if you marry Doug it would break me".

For his part, Ste didn't cry or he didn't slap Brendan. Instead, he picked up the glass of vodka and _downed _it. "Why are you telling me this now Brendan?" Ste asked him. "Why are you telling me this.. now?"

Brendan shrugged. "Because seeing you happy and _in love _with Doug made me jealous. It also made me hurt. It made me a bitter person but really it just made me realize that even though you were planning to marry _him_ that I loved you. So much. More then I've ever loved anyone and more then I realized someone was capable of loving another person".

Ste stood up and began to pace the room. This unnerved Brendan. He hated seeing _his Steven_ like that. "You can't do this to me now Brendan. You can't tell me that you love me for the first time as I'm about to marry the man I love!"

"You don't love him" Brendan stated as fact "You can't convince me that you love Doug. I've seen the way you look at at me Steven. That's love. What you have with Doug is.. I'd like to say lust but I can't really see anyone being in lust with Doug.. "

"Your so cruel!" Ste shouted, his face was full of rage. This wasn't going as Brendan planned. _Fuck_. "Your a nasty human and I was foolish enough to get involved with you. Hear this Brendan- I don't love you anymore. I've moved on! I love Doug". Brendan chuckled to himself and Ste looked furious. "Why the fuck are you laughing? How is any of what I''m saying funny?"

"Because your lying to yourself" Brendan stated. He poured another glass of the vodka but this time walked over to the fridge and picked a can of diet coke up. "Your lying to yourself and the thing, you _know _your lying to yourself but you don't want to admit it. You don't love Doug Carter and if you do, you don't love him as much as you love me".

"No!" Ste shouted "You don't get to ruin my evening but telling me you love me. Stop feeding me bullshit so I won't marry Doug! Me and You- it's over. It's finished. There will _never_ be a Ste and Brendan- get THAT into your head!".

Those words hurt. Hurt bad. But strangely not as much as Brendan thought they would. Because Ste was still lying. Lying through his teeth. He could tell just by looking at Ste that even _he_ wasn't convinced with what he was saying. "Sit down" Brendan said sternly "And listen".

Ste sighed and seriously pondered whether to sit down and listen. In the end, he decided that he had to hear what Brendan had to say.

Brendan poured some diet coke into his glass of vodka and took a sip from it. He sighed longingly before he started speaking. "Steven, I'm a nasty human being who has done some seriously nasty shit. You know some of what I've done but you don't know the half of it. And you never will find out because them things are in the past. I've killed a man, Steven, I've killed a man for you. Danny Houston was going to kill you because he knew you were the only person, other then Cheryl, that I loved and he was going to kill you. I had to kill him because I wouldn't be able to live without seeing your face daily. I wouldn't be able to breathe properly if you wasn't in my life Steven, your one of the only good thing's I've got in my life and I've fucked that up as well and for that I am truly sorry". He paused for a moment and took another sip of his drink. He was tempted to look at Ste but he couldn't. He didn't want to see his reaction but mainly he didn't want to be in for disappointment. "I don't know if I've ever truly said sorry about the way I treated you. I loved you _so much _but these feelings were all so new to me. I lashed out and beating you was a shitty, shitty thing to do and I never, ever meant to cause you pain. I'd never want to do that Steven because for Christ sake I love you! Every time I hurt you, I bruised you but it killed me. Inside. Every time I hurt you a little bit of me died because of what I was doing to you. But you forgave me and that show's me how much you love me. Steven, I'm not going to be able to promise you a whirlwind romance and I defiantly can't promise you a white picket fence, 3 children running around and I can't promise you that I won't fuck up. Because I'm Brendan Brady and that's what I do. I fuck up. But I can promisy you Steven that I will love you until my dying breath. I can't honestly tell you how much I love you because I don't think it's possible to explain. I would take a bullet for you Steven, hell I'd take _twelve _bullets for you. Because I love you more then I thought was possible and Steven, I can't promise you that you won't be let down and you would probably be better marrying Doug who would be able to provide you with happiness and the comfortableness that you do deserve. I can't promise that I won't make mistakes but I can promise you this Steven, that if you take a chance on me I will love you forever. I will be the man you want me to be. I will be public with you and I will tell the world how much I Brendan Brady love you Steven Hay. But most of all I promise you that you will always have the key to my heart". Brendan took another sip of his drink and turned around to look at Ste. He braced himself for the worst.

But Ste was _crying._

And then he stood up and walked to door, and Brendan was sure that Ste was about to walk out of his life forever. But then he turned around, ran fast over to Brendan and smashed his lips up against his. They were soon up against the wall and the kissing became forceful and aggressive. Ste's tongue was exploring Brendan's mouth with aggression and Brendan allowed him. But then Ste pulled away, readjusted his trousers and looked at Brendan with a look that Brendan could'nt quite muster.

"I need to think, me" Steven said softly. "I need to get out of here and just _think"._

Brendan could understand that. So he said "I'ts 11.00pm now. You have until 3.00am to come back. If you don't come back I will have just to accept that you've made your choice and hope you and Doug have a wonderful wedding. Obviously, I will have to decline your invitation but thank you anyway for the invite".

Ste looked at Brendan and _smiled. _It was the first time that Ste had smiled at Brendan all evening. And it felt good.

He turned around and walked to door. Pulling it back, he stepped through it. He turned around again and looked at Brendan and simply said "I love you too".

He walked through the door and it closed behind him.

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End file.
